James Aalan Bernsen: 5/18/08

We get lots of letters over here from random people that we’ve never met. It’s humbing and gratifying, but sometimes overwhelming. I wish I could respond to them all, but I have a hard enough time writing the people I know. I keep reminding myself every day to write a letter to those nice folks at the VFW who mailed me a care package, or for my aunt, who sent me molasses cookies.

But among all of the letters and packages we get, the most entertaining are those from the children. Countless schoolkids sit down and write a soldier. In poor grammar, but with heartfelt emotion, they tell us what they think. Sometimes they can make soldiers cry. Other times, we just smile. Most of the time, though, they make you laugh.

So this week, I’ll give you a taste of what the kids are saying. Here are some of the highlights of the letters to soldiers that I’ve come across. Some are touching, some are funny. Some kids are a little too gung-ho. Most letters are simple, on paper. Many more have drawings with them. Some are nothing but drawings. Some even have elaborate pop-ups.

One picture had a very crude - but accurate - drawing of a Rottweiller, wearing a collar that said, "Army Strong." Below it, he wrote "“America You is brave." The card below has an image of what looks like an insurgent in the back of a pickup truck, shooting a heavy machine gun. Right over the cab, the kid wrote: "Don't worry about this." Ha. Thanks kid. I'm perfectly at ease now.

Most articles are filled with misspellings, like the Letters to Santa you used to always see in the local paper. It makes them cute, and brings a smile to your face. A few examples:

Dear soldier,
My name is Aaisha. Wot is yor name? im in kinder. Thank you for fiting for my kuntree. Wut do you like to do.
Love Aaisha

Other kids write so well, you’d think a parent or teacher was dictating over their shoulders:

Dear Military personnel
I appreciate all you’ve done. My grandfather was in World War II. I’ve heard his stories and he’s brave. My point is you are also being brave by protecting us and sacrificing your time. This makes me proud! This memorial weekend, I will think of you. Thanks for every-thing.
Sincerely, Avalon

Seriously. Avalon? Is she some kind of elf? And why do I get the idea that Avalon will be a valedictorian one day?

Dear American Soldier,

Hello, my name is Megan B. I am 9 1/2 years old. My favorite thing to do is travel and go outside to play baseball.

Well, technically Megan, that’s two things.

Thank you for fighting for our country. I wouldn’t want to go to war. Thank you for keeping our country safe. I really wish we wouldn’t have wars. Thank you for protecting our country.

Why do you wear uniform that’s green? Do you like your job, fighting? What’s your favorite part about America? Is it hard to be a soldier? Do you ever take a brake?
Megan B. California

No brakes. No shock absorbers either.

Dear American Soldier,
I want to thank you for fighting for more freedom. And you are very brave. And thank you for everything. What kind of clothes do you wear? What kind of food do you eat? How is it like in the war? And how do you think about Iraq?
Emily P. California

Emily, didn’t you read Megan’s letter? We wear green. Well, the army and Air Force guys do. Navy guys like me wear tan and brown. But there’s a tad of green in there somewhere.

It's a small world after all:

Dear soldier, ples shar with your frends you can see it to all you have done a wondrfull job. Have you hrd of ellin’s sistr? She is a soldier. I am happy you are (illegible).
--Love Isabella

Ellen’s sister? Of course. By a strange coincidence, she’s right here next to me! Imagine that. Out of all 130,000 troops!

<--This kid says, "Live Long and Prosper. By Mr. Spock."

Some of them are a little confused about what exactly soldiers do:

Dear soldier
I hawp you dot get hrt and you get saf sow you wud bring fod to pepl that are really hungry.
Love Melody

This one was on a nice card with a picture of a soldier and a flag:

Dear U.S. troops. Thank you for keeping us safe from the Iraquis. I honor you for protecting This country. I hope you come home safe.
Thank you for all your support.
By Benjamin V.

Well, Benjamin, technically we’re not fighting the Iraqis, just the bad Iraqis. There are good ones, you know, and they’re our friends. I ran into a few the other day armed to the teeth like Rambo in the meanest, most pimped-out Humvee you've ever seen. They had two extra machine guns welded onto the tailgate. If they hadn't been good guys, I would have been screwed.

Of course, that letter was not quite as funny as this kid, who really didn’t get the concept:

Dear soldier. I hope you’re getting your revenge on the Iraqis.

Another wrote:

"It must be hard killing people all day."

Sorry kid, I've been here 9 months and I haven't fired a single shot from my weapon.

One girl drew a picture of a stick girl and a guy in camouflage. Underneath it, she wrote the words “Me and soldier.” It was touching and reminded me of something my niece Abby would do. Here's what she wrote inside:

Dear soldier. I likes you saving us. Do you like saving us? I like you watching us. It is fun. I like soldier because you sav me.
Love Elane.

Of course, Elaine, I’m not “watching” you, because you are a U.S. citizen. That would be in violation of the Posse Commitatus Act and several congressional laws on domestic spying (and not even the Patriot Act changes that). So when you look out your window and see someone staring at you, that’s not a soldier. That’s a creep. Call the cops!

“Thank you for everything you did for saving the world.”

Saving people seems to be a common theme. But I thought we were saving the Iraqis from tyranny, and implicitly saving Americans from terrorism in a convoluted way. But, as Aurelio informs me, the things I’m saving are clearly definable:

Dear soldier
Thank you for saving many people in Donald L. Morrill (elementary school). We thank you for helping us and other people in America…I have one brother and two birds and a mom and dad. My dad is good at using a yo-yos.
-Aurelio

Really? Two birds?

This one was written on construction paper. The cover featued a cartoon. One soldier stood by a cannon and said, “Ready men, fire!” Another soldier stood holding a flame to a cannon, which fired an old fashioned Bugs Bunny-style lit cannonball out the other end. Inside, it read:

Dear American Soldiers,
My name is Jessica V. I’m nine years old…I have a sister who is five, but she sometime mean. Thank you for all the things you have done. You have been fighting so you can make law fair. Also thank you for save USA. What do you eat there? Is there girls in the army? What kind of guns do you have?

Jessica V.

Well, Jessica, there are girls in the army. Lots of them. I have two guns. An M-16 and a M-9 pistol. I prefer the girls.

A lot of kids don’t understand what military life is like:

Dear Soldier. I hope you are enjoying your summer vacation.

Here's a gem:

Dear soldier. Thank you very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very much.
--Caleb

I bet Caleb gets in trouble a lot. He seems to be familiar with doing lines.

This kid had the sentiment down well:

A veridos Soldados:
Gracias por saber en la Guerra. Gracias por salvar a personas. Yo quiero hacer como ustedas. De valertes ese you quiero hacer. De valentes ese yo quiero hacer.
Jaime

Jaime! Gracias por escribame. Me llamo es Jaime tambien. Que tu quieres a ir soldado, necessitas a estudiar Ingles, porque muchos soldados no hablan Espanol, y los mandatos estan en Ingles.

Dear soldier,
You are a brave soldier to go to Iraq. Your wisdom is high. You live America.
Your friend, Austin
Earhart Elementary, Lafayette, Indiana.
(Card featured a pop-up flower and flag)

And last but not least, my all-time favorite:

Thank you for keeping us safe from Edward.

Sure. I promise that America will be protected from Edward as long as I live.